When people talk about ADHD or autism, you often hear the term “high functioning”.
It sounds positive and sounds reassuring, but it is also misleading, and sometimes harmful. When someone is described as high functioning, it usually just means they look fine on the outside. They go to work, they smile, they communicate well enough. They seem organised and they look like they manage. From the outside, it can look like they do not need help at all.
High functioning does not describe the internal experience
The problem with the label “high functioning” is that it does not describe what is happening inside someone’s mind. It only describes how comfortable they make other people feel. What we often call high functioning is actually high masking.
Masking is when someone with ADHD or autism puts a huge amount of effort into fitting in. They copy social expectations, hide their struggles, and push through situations even when their internal world feels chaotic or overwhelming.
Someone might look confident in a meeting and then completely crash the moment they get home. They might appear socially skilled, but every interaction has been rehearsed in their head. Every word, every expression, every response carefully managed.
When masking becomes normal
For some people, masking starts so early and lasts so long that they do not even realise they are doing it. It has been their normal life for decades. They assume everyone else is putting in the same effort, or they believe they are simply bad at life. Over time, this can quietly destroy confidence and self trust. And eventually, the cost shows up as anxiety, depression, or burnout.
My own experience with high masking
This pattern is not just theory for me. I have experienced burnout several times in my life. The last major one was around eleven years ago. Later, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD.
I am high masking.
I earned a master’s degree in computer science and engineering, I hold a second dan in Aikido and I am now a hypnotherapist and trainer. I have succeeded in many different fields, but much of it could have been far easier if I had understood how my brain actually worked.
With my diagnosis, and with the support of my wife, I have been learning to drop the mask. And I see the same pattern again and again in clients who come to see me with anxiety, low confidence, or exhaustion.
Why diagnosis and education matter
Diagnosis is not about collecting labels, and education is not about excuses. They matter because they allow you to finally work with your brain instead of against it. They help you realise that you are not weak or broken. You are different.
There is comfort in discovering that you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse.
When you understand your brain, you can begin to be kinder to yourself. You can find ways of working, resting, communicating, and living that actually suit you.
Masking has a cost
Yes, sometimes masking is still necessary, but it should not cost you your wellbeing or your identity. If someone in your life is neurodivergent and seems to have everything together, remember that what you are seeing might be high masking.
And if this is you, if fitting in feels like a constant battle, if you are exhausted all the time, if life feels like it is permanently set to hard mode, you are doing the best you can with what you have.
You are not failing.
One of the most important steps is talking to someone you trust, because masking becomes much lighter the moment you stop carrying it alone.
If you need some help to clear up all the emotional baggage you’ve accumulated, feel free to contact me to see how I can help you free yourself and move forward lighter and stronger.
